Today, as I write this, I am angry. I had the misfortune today of speaking with a young girl (15) who was with her sister (maybe 20 or so) during a court proceeding. The older sister is seeking guardianship of her sister and other young siblings. The mother is out of the picture due to drug issues. During my conversation it was revealed that the father, an alcoholic, told his children (I am summarizing) that they good for nothing, they were unwanted, that they were failures, that he didn’t want them in his life, and that he wasn’t going be there for them any longer. He told them that they were not important enough to be worth sticking around for. He is abandoning his children and his eldest daughter is now trying to find a way to make a life for herself and her young siblings.
The look on the girl’s faces as they recalled their father’s words brought me to anger and almost to tears. It should bring righteous anger to anyone who proposes to call themselves a man. This father is failing as a father and as a man. Period. I’m sure any man who is a member of The Man Guild finds this father’s actions unthinkable. Most of you, like me, are shaking your heads. Yet, this is a reminder. It is a reminder of the men we must be reaching out to. The irony of this Group, of the whole endeavor, is that those that need the MOST help are least likely to seek it and join a group like this. We all have room for improvement, but becoming an active member in this group means you at least understand that you have work to do. Some men are walking around clueless as to the shitbags they are being and the failures they must rectify. This father is an example of the type of male WE need to be an example for. These are the males that we need to hold accountable. If you have a male in your life that is failing to meet the standards of manhood you know to be true, that you find in the Creed for instance, call them out. Be an example for them and demand more of them.
To be clear, I don’t know this man. I don’t know his struggles, his history, his heart. I do know that regardless of those struggles and his history, he needs to do better. I do know that he is not yet a man. I assume that he may have not had a father (or not a good one), that he did not have examples of good men in his life. I also know that his children deserve better.
As I sat with his 15 year old daughter and her older sister, I explained to them that their father’s statements are not a relflection on them as children, but on him as a father. I explained to them that their father is unhappy with who he is as a father and as a man and that his is simply projecting his frustrations onto them. I explained to them that it doesn’t mean their father is a bad person, and that perhaps he was never fathered himself, but that this doesn’t excuse his statements and it certainly doesn’t make this statements true.
Our Duty and Our Mission
Men we must do better. The concept of manhood arises from a recognition that a male has proven himself worthy of the title of being a “man” in the eyes of other men. The characteristics we look to see exemplified in other men are those that allow us to know that he will hold his ground when the enemy is bearing down on us. They are the standards we expect him to hold when life is falling down around us and we need someone to rely on. Manhood does not exist in a vacuum. We earn the title of being called a man when we have proven that we can rise to the expectations our fellow men have for us. In the same vain, we must hold other accountable.
This group, this guild, this tribe, this entire thing, is about creating an honor group. A group of man that will keep each other accountable…that is where we are headed. If you are along for the ride understand it isn’t something we will be doing online for fun, it is about changing our lives and the lives of those who rely on us. Our mission is to create confident, honorable, skillful, courageous men who are willing to go out into the world and be examples of manhood for anyone they may encounter. Our mission isn’t simply to make US better men, but to hold all men to the standards of manhood that have been passed down to us. The Mission is to MAINTAIN THE STANDARD of manhood in our lives and in our communities. Take the mission seriously and it will change live.